yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
