They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Houston, we have a squirter
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
