Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she looked like the before picture.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
