FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
