Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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