pedialite and red bull = repair kit
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
