Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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