so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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