dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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