I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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