oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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