I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
