I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
PANTIES FOUND
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
