omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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