capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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