I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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