I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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