Ambien. No doubt about it.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize