I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
