Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
