Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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