Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
