i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
