I think my vagina is haunted
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
