This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This is the high leading the old right now
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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