In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
