Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
