OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
