Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
