I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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