it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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