I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
