Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
