Tell her she can't have a vagina
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
