PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
