areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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