I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I fill condoms, not promises.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
