Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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