Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
