when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
