I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I've blown a few things in my day
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
