Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize