I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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