Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
