Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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