how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
be right there i have to get my cape
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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