I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
