Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
