I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
