real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
