just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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