So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
