I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Holy sore nipples Batman
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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