a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize