Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
