You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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