So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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