Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
