Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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