bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
