This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just cut my nipple shaving
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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