Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
