he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
