you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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