I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
