FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
