Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
