yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
