i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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